Focus on my future
Fell asleep thinking of what I should do about my future.... ke ke... I seldom give a thought to what I should do. I just do with the flow of life, plan so far also no use. You might died tomorrow, so why not live your life to the fullest without regret. But seriously its about time to give a thought about it... I'm all tied down with my debt that I borrow for my study, so for the next 3 years I should concentrate on returning all the money. I was thinking to "kill" myself in Mediacock after my surgery. Now that I have no one to worry about, no commitment for my partner, don't have to squeeze out time to accompany any one. Its alright that I can just slog my next 3 years or so life in there. Anyway, I will just send in the application and see if I can get in. If I can get in, just get myself "branded" for it for the next 3 years before I move on. If not, will see about it, how I should move on from there. By then, I will be 30 years old and out of debt. Yippy!~! From 30-35years old, I will try to get myself out of SG!~!~!~ Yes, I mean out of SG!~!~ I'm old enough and I hope my mum won't nag at me for leaving home to explore the world. Either, I go and further my study overseas and get a PR over there or find a job overseas that will take me in. But these are all just thoughts.. but I guess it will set me more or less focus.. taking one step at a time... to reach my goals... although things might get change along the way... but I guess its time that I don't live in anyone shadow, not even my mum! This time, I'm growing my wings back myself~!
Woke up in pain just now in the morning... I dreamed of him... I dream of me crying at him... asking him why he has to leave me... why he can't make this depart less painful... I will feel much better if he could just let go slowly.... drop me a call once awhile, etc... Its now starting to get blurred of what happened in the dream... but it felt so real... I was fighting to wake up... my heart was racing like mad.... finally I manage to open my eyes.... as always I stand at my window with a glass of water... slowly sipping the water and enjoy the silence... this seems like the everyday routine for me to stand at the window... some how it calms me down... not going back in there anymore... I know very well that I had cut the string loss that night... I did not feel that uncomfortable, I thought I will be when I met up with him that night to get my gift. We chatted and talk about his trip in australia. The pictures are beautiful. I'm definitely will want to visit the great ocean road!~ I guess the soccer match outside the window do help abit in distracting me and an excuse not to look at him. I guess thoughout the dinner, I was trying to avoid seeing him face to face. Maybe I was abit uncomfortable but I guess I need time to picture him as my friend. But, I feel okay- no heartache, just like a friend catching up, that kind of feeling. I din't even feel anything when we depart, heading different direction to catch our buses back home. But some how I felt there was a stop in moment when he passed the stuff to me.... and when he left, I din't even look straight at him to say goodbye.... maybe I was uncomfortable... whatever lah... anyway he is my friend that I will learn to love, that is what I will keep telling myself from now onward. I love the beanie he got for me...its too big for my head though... ke ke coz its meant for guy. Nvm its the thought that counts. I will kept it with the rest of his stuff- the orange oska t-shirt he got for me, which I told him I will gave it away... no idea why he got it then.. its a 8mth old t-shirt... he said that he find it cute... been roll up like that and even insist that the sales girl sold him that. The sales girl kept wanting to get a new pieces, and he insist that unless they roll in up like that or else he don't want. It was very funny. I don't know why also. He got me a dolphine bracklet thinking it was an anklet.. ke ke.. but can't blame him coz that guy who sold him that told him it was an anklet. ke ke.. silly him. What I missed was the cross handphone strip, it was very beautiful and I love it... but he broke it when we were hiking up the mountain at palawan. He slipped and sat on it and it broke...I guess GOD was protecting him than or else it will be a bad fall... it was muddy after the rain and the road is kind of not used.. I think we are the only two crazy people who went up the mountain track and get ourselves all tired... but it was worth it... coz it was another paradise when we get there... we slowly canoe ride back to our resort and enjoy the sun slowly set behind us....
Woke up in pain just now in the morning... I dreamed of him... I dream of me crying at him... asking him why he has to leave me... why he can't make this depart less painful... I will feel much better if he could just let go slowly.... drop me a call once awhile, etc... Its now starting to get blurred of what happened in the dream... but it felt so real... I was fighting to wake up... my heart was racing like mad.... finally I manage to open my eyes.... as always I stand at my window with a glass of water... slowly sipping the water and enjoy the silence... this seems like the everyday routine for me to stand at the window... some how it calms me down... not going back in there anymore... I know very well that I had cut the string loss that night... I did not feel that uncomfortable, I thought I will be when I met up with him that night to get my gift. We chatted and talk about his trip in australia. The pictures are beautiful. I'm definitely will want to visit the great ocean road!~ I guess the soccer match outside the window do help abit in distracting me and an excuse not to look at him. I guess thoughout the dinner, I was trying to avoid seeing him face to face. Maybe I was abit uncomfortable but I guess I need time to picture him as my friend. But, I feel okay- no heartache, just like a friend catching up, that kind of feeling. I din't even feel anything when we depart, heading different direction to catch our buses back home. But some how I felt there was a stop in moment when he passed the stuff to me.... and when he left, I din't even look straight at him to say goodbye.... maybe I was uncomfortable... whatever lah... anyway he is my friend that I will learn to love, that is what I will keep telling myself from now onward. I love the beanie he got for me...its too big for my head though... ke ke coz its meant for guy. Nvm its the thought that counts. I will kept it with the rest of his stuff- the orange oska t-shirt he got for me, which I told him I will gave it away... no idea why he got it then.. its a 8mth old t-shirt... he said that he find it cute... been roll up like that and even insist that the sales girl sold him that. The sales girl kept wanting to get a new pieces, and he insist that unless they roll in up like that or else he don't want. It was very funny. I don't know why also. He got me a dolphine bracklet thinking it was an anklet.. ke ke.. but can't blame him coz that guy who sold him that told him it was an anklet. ke ke.. silly him. What I missed was the cross handphone strip, it was very beautiful and I love it... but he broke it when we were hiking up the mountain at palawan. He slipped and sat on it and it broke...I guess GOD was protecting him than or else it will be a bad fall... it was muddy after the rain and the road is kind of not used.. I think we are the only two crazy people who went up the mountain track and get ourselves all tired... but it was worth it... coz it was another paradise when we get there... we slowly canoe ride back to our resort and enjoy the sun slowly set behind us....
posted by sheepz @ 10:15 AM
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